Starting journal late - Kai is 4 1/2 months old

I started a written journal when I was pregnant. The last entry was made the week before I gave birth. Suffice it to say, I haven't had the time or energy to update it as I now have baby Kai, the love of my life aside from Jim. I have yet to go back and write his birth story which lasted 3 days and ended in a cesarean. I won't go into it here, as it is long and drawn out, but I will record it here on Blogger so that I can print it later for Kai; a historical document that he will always be able to refer back to when he is older.

So, four months have passed and the procrastination has ended. I begin here:

We are on the Big Island of Hawaii until October 2 as we rented our house out on Kauai until October 30 with the assumption that we would be traveling within Europe until that time. Exhaustion, the high cost of the Euro and missing my friends and mom have brought us back. It was good to see my grandmothers (Kai's great grandmothers) but enough was enough. My body has been aching, full of inflammation. Kai is heavy; 20 pounds of all boy. He is happiest when he is being supported in a standing position. He sways side to side, smiles from ear to ear as we hold him and he pushes off. It takes all our strength to hold him back from falling. He is so strong and so active. For us, it feels like we are at the gym pushing weights 12 hours a day. It's hard on our bodies. I nurse him every 2 hours. During the past few weeks he as gone from nursing once during the night to 3 times a night. Must be a growth spurt. I go about my day in a daze, yawing. Last week our bodies couldn't take any more and we made an appointment to see Karen, our natural health practitioner. She performed a new energetic body scan on us and found our bodies to be pretty weak so she has us on some new herbs and suppliments. It's been a few days and I feel much better. I feel less achy and have more energy. I've also started standup paddleboarding and stretching. Jim has been sleeping in the other room and taking Kai at 5:30am (Kai's wakeup time) on a walk while I catch up on some much needed sleep.  All of that put together has me feeling much better.

Even with all the physical exhaustion, I am exquisitly in love with my baby boy. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Pure joy and love pours out of his eyes and heart and flows right into mine. Does everyone who has a child feel this? As I lay in bed nursing him tonight he looks up at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and smiles at me. We connect, I cry with emotion. I have never felt such unconditional love. I cannot describe this love I have for him other than it is infinite and God like.  He completes me.